She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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