You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
