barbara walters just said penis...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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