Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
