Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
