My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
