note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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