We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
