Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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