we're chasing vodka with high fives
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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