I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
