I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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