the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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