oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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