o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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