So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
