Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
