we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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