i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
