Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
