Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
