Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
