So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
