I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
