I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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