Don't you send me to vm
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
