He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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