At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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