I puked a lego.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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