Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
