dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
