Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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