I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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