guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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