I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
