I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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