I think I am morally bankrupt
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
