Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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