i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
