She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
