yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My hand turned me down
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
