hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
