you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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