you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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