Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
