i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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