Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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