Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
