You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
