So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
