I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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