we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
