Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
